- "Oh, you like to plan your trips? That's not really traveling."
Honestly, I believe that there is no right way to visit another country- certain decisions, such as what to do, how to get there, and where to sleep, are choices made depending on that person's personality. To me, the real argument here is about the attitudes and behavior of people who are traveling abroad. Disrespect and rudeness should not be tolerated anywhere. The disdain that is associated with 'tourists' is really born out of the fact that cultural superiority and its attached behaviors are closely associated with how tourists behave when they are abroad. 'Travelers' are considered more 'real' because of how they behave, keeping a low profile and treating everyone with respect. Still, I have seen 'travelers' behave rudely as well. You can choose to forgo luxury hotels, interact with the locals, take the road less traveled, and so on and still be disrespectful. Attitudes are different from the choices that people make, and I just want to make it clear that this mindset is where I am coming from.
Let's take a look at the definitions of 'tourist' and 'traveler' in respect to other reasons besides attitude for why travelers judge tourists. According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
tourist (noun): a person who travels to a place for pleasure; one that makes a tour for pleasure or culture
traveler (noun): someone who is traveling or who travels often; a person who moves around from place to place instead of living in one place for a long time.
- has more experience traveling
- tends to travel for a longer period of time
And so perhaps judgmental conversations arise from people who have more experience treating those who are perceived as novices in a patronizing and condescending way.
This type of interaction happens in all kinds of situations, not just in travel. But that doesn't make it okay! Everyone has their own way of visiting other places and their own way of feeling as if they have gotten the most out of their time. We should treat those who have already made the decision to leave their home to visit another place with respect, regardless of the way that they choose to travel. Yes, we should call out when those people are being rude, but we shouldn't denigrate others' travel structure and choices. I'm calling out those people for being rude- enough with these comments about 'not being a real traveler' or 'not being x enough'. If you want to encourage someone to think about trying a new way of doing something, don't make them immediately defensive by calling them names...be respectful and frame it as a question or suggestion.
Planners: Once you get off the plane, it's like pressing the 'Go' button; you don't need to spend time wondering about what to do next, booking tickets, missing out on opportunities in the here and now. You can fully enjoy the present, using that time to go out to explore, to chat with new friends, to sleep, and more.
Go With the Flow'ers: You don't have any ties and can stay longer in a place if you love it. You can pick up and travel with amazing new friends that you have recently met and really connect with...you can take advantage of spontaneous opportunities that you never could have imagined and that you couldn't have planned/prepared for before the trip.
I have discovered that those people who identify more as "Go With the Flow'ers" tend to look down on people they see as "Planners", similar to how 'travelers' look down on 'tourists'. And I have the same response to this judgmental behavior as I had to the traveler vs. tourist debate: there is a difference between choices that people make and the attitude they have. You don't know the reasons for why someone chooses to travel a certain way and are instead judging based on stereotypical behavioral characteristics- planners are instantly perceived as uptight and intense while go with the flow'ers are seen as chill and relaxed. The judgment comes into play because uptight and intense are usually associated with immaturity and fear, and chill and relaxed are associated with mature people who are experienced and don't mind taking risks.The problem here is that choices and attitudes don't always match up. A planner doesn't necessarily have to be uptight and a flow'er isn't always chill- you've got to figure out the reasons for why someone chose to do something a certain way. It also gets more complicated- many journeyers are in the middle of the travel spectrum, having both planning and flow'ing qualities. But because the world is so complex, people often classify and label others in an effort to navigate their social relationships more easily. They will classify quickly during conversations- if you mention you have a list of things you want to see, you may be put into the planner category even if you can be spontaneous about those activities, thus sticking you with the associated qualities of being uptight and immature and therefore making you perfectly ripe for their judgement.
I'll use myself as an example. I am a mix of both a planner and a flow'er. There are certain reasons why I like to do both. I have thought about the way that I travel, and I am comfortable with my choices. However, my decision to plan some parts of my trip often opens me up to derision by others who don't travel the same way.
Here are the main reasons for why I like to plan:
- It makes me feel safe. As a solo female traveler, I like doing research to know about my destinations, from understanding the best way to get around to avoiding popular scams. I am a defensive pessimist (psychology term- pessimism has a negative connotation, but in this case it isn't a negative concept) and planning/researching helps me strategize and prepare for anything that could go wrong.
- It eases my parents' concerns. They get nervous when I gallivant around the world, and they want to know what I am up to. I like to help them feel better about letting me go by showing them my research and letting them know that I am prepared and will be okay in another country,
- Research enhances my overall experiences. I've realized that location and social atmosphere of where I am staying really affects the tenor of my trip. I like to read hostelworld.com reviews in depth to make sure that the place I choose to stay will enhance my trip. Also, there have been times when my research has really come in handy. In Berlin, to visit the Reichstag you must reserve your free spot the day before. You cannot just show up; you will not be allowed inside. Since my friends and I had limited time in Berlin, it was a good thing that we knew this tip in advance. (the Reichstag is really cool, I highly recommend climbing the dome to look around!)
- I save money and time by booking in advance. Along with researching the hostel I would like to stay in, I like to book in advance so that I'll know I'll have a place when I arrive. A lot of the hostels I pick are very popular (for a reason!). Also, I would rather be able to head straight to my lodgings and then go out and explore rather than wander around in the day or night trying to find someplace to stay.
- I like to get a sense of what sights to see and activities to do. I don't plan every second of my days, but I like to have a loose sense of what I want to do. Generally, I'll show up with these ideas and then figure out my days based on who I meet, what the weather will be like, new information I discover, and so on. I'll often find cool things to do that I haven't seen in my research! But there are times when I have left a place only to realize that I had missed out on what would have been a really cool experience. For example, recently I was in León, Nicaragua on a very spontaneous trip. I had looked up a few of the major sights and had those in my back pocket, but I didn't bring anything with me for this trip. I ended up forgetting about the opportunity to climb to the roof of the Cathedral to see a bird's eye view of the city, and I was pretty disappointed by that.
These are all personal decisions I have made that help me travel the way that I want to and really learn from my experiences. Even with my planning, I have still gotten lost in places, made ridiculous and potentially dangerous decisions, and missed flights and buses! And I don't regret any of it at all. I have grown and changed from traveling the way that I do. I know that I'm the type of person who likes to pack a lot of activities into one day, to push off sleep for when I am back home, to stay in hostels and go camping under the night sky, to do dangerous adrenaline-inducing activities, to see famous attractions, to take a lot of photos, to dress up fancily, to want to be clean and take a shower every once in a while...I pick and choose what feels right. I've learned a lot from my experiences so far, and I know what would push me over the edge and what would push me out of my comfort zone enough to force me to adapt and change, but still allow me to enjoy myself (whether it is during the trip or after in my memories).
To wrap this up, I think it's a shame that because of my choices, people group me into the 'planner' category and feel like it is okay to judge me. I can't believe that I can come back and have people brush off my personal journey, the choices that have helped me grow, and tell me that my experiences are not valid because they aren't 'real' to what a true traveling experience is. They are not comparing apples-to-apples; they are comparing their own personal choices and journey to mine. Since they have truly grown and learned through their own way of traveling, they take this as the end-all-be-all and discount any other way of experiencing the world. People are not at the same point in their personal development journey when you meet them on the road, and it's hurtful to shit on them and their choices and make them doubt all they have accomplished. Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't do through the lens of your perceived superiority. If you want to explain why you travel the way you do and how it has helped you, tell me, but be polite about it. I'm open and receptive to hearing about everyone's journeys.
Just don't shut me down with 'you're not a real traveler".
~burn bright~
Jess